I’m in two minds about including this sample. The problem is that I can’t read the small amount of sexual content without sounding like a pervert, and being an old fogey makes it worse. This is enhanced by the iPhone’s ability to pick up liquid mouth sounds. You might feel queasy by the end of it. However, I’m keeping it because my massive overemphasis of the word ‘twat’ makes me laugh.

N.B. This sample contains sexual content and bad words.

Psst…wanna try my book?

Go on, i’ll take a look

Give me more info

Melanie is the only other student in Phil’s weekly animal behaviour seminars. Unfortunately, she’s not very good at the subject, which gives him the excuse to yap non-stop through their sessions. In this extract, Phil has a rare flash of insight into someone else’s emotional wellbeing, though that doesn’t stop him from being appalling.

Poor Melanie, I wonder what she’s doing now.

Here’s a clue: no. But drop me a line anyway, or use the form below, to tell me what you think.